I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She announced her abortion via fbk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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