He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
