dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
