Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
