My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
