Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
50% drunk capacity currently
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
