bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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