you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
