I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
