Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
