The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
