It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
