So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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