There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
