He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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