he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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