Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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