atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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