Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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