we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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