okay pat passed out under dana's car
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
