I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
