this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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