I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
