having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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