Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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