i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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