I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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