I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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