I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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