I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
