She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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