i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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