Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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