i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
