I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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