well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
