Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
