We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
