So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
