At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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