screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
