I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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