I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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