I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
