you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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