using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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