please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
