i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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