How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
