There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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