why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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