I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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