I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
