Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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