Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
