Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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