Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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