I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
