i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
